I tried to write this post last week – failed – so I am trying again today.
Did you ever feel you were holding onto your dreams by your fingertips? That is how I am feeling about the Yank’s house. It has been seven years since we first found the house and I never imagined then that it would take soon long, eat up so much of my life, my energy, my money, nor did I believe that these resources would run out or be so stretched that I would have nothing left for the Yank’s House. But that is how I have been feeling recently. The last day I spent there was so bright and lovely that I tried to encourage myself with a happy bright posting to the blog to match the day. But since then I have been feeling less than enthusiastic about the whole project. So - where to from here?
I remember what I wrote in the very first blog entry…..
It was magic! Romantic and blind, I hear you say. But I could visualise it all finished and I standing on the steps, lady of the manor in my summer frock and straw hat. My garden a wonderful wild flower meadow full of butterflies and bees, in the warm summer sunshine. I loved it.
I posted that to the blog last summer. But I wrote it seven years ago. I really want to feel like this again – but I am struggling. Back then I was still young and energetic – now I am a tired middle aged menopausal woman. Seven years ago was just before the economy crashed. We were all dreamers. Who couldn't have imagined things could get so bad. Seven years ago was before all the pay cuts, extra taxes and before owning property became such an undesirable asset. Seven years ago Pat and I were in better health, stronger, sillier and very impulsive. A pair of dreamers!
I know it doesn’t help if I don’t get to visit the Yank’s house for a few weeks.
The longer I am away from the house and dimmer my dreams get. I need to go there to freshen up the colours in my head, to let the light and the warmth into my dreams and memories. But other commitments kept me busy much of the time now and the Yank’s house gets pushed into the background.
I used to see the place every night when I close my eyes, spend hours dreaming about it, envisioning what it would turn out like, imagine living there - but these dreams have become very dim. I struggle to resurrect them. I struggle in the dark of dreary weather, short days and worries.
Last week I would have sold the Yank’s house as it stands. But Pat says we cannot give up - think long term he says. In five years things will have picked up. We might be ready to retire. The things we worry about today will be a distant memory. We might have more time on our hands; we might have more money in the bank. Who knows – but we will still have the Yank’s house.
This is love - having someone to carry you when the going gets tough.
Thank you Pat x